AND WE'RE AWAY!

Davina now introducing the house to us.

But first, why on earth is Davina wearing a gorilla coat?!!! It's terrible.

Anyway, the house. Much the same as the BB house of last summer. A few stars printed on the carpet of bblock. The jail is bigger and has a bed - and a heater apparently.

And a snug area which is heated - bottoms too ... and throws to keep the "celebs" warm.

And the hms appear!

First in is ...

LA TOYA!

Oh, my. Hard to believe this woman is 52! Well, maybe not. Mr. Plastic Surgeon has obviously made lots of dollars out of this woman. EEK! She has her brother's nose! Her favourite food is smoked salmon (I can understand that). She hates white food. Goes down the stairs to the viewers right. Gosh, she's very skinny. It's kinda weird seeing a young looking face (surgery removed wrinkles) and a tiny body on a woman of 52. Just too spooky.

Next in ...

MUTYA (ex-Sugababes)

Her eyebrows are SCARY!!! God! I hate all those tatoos and piercings! YUK! But strangely I think I will like her in the house. And she has 8 dogs. I love dogs. She has 14 tatoos - vile. Mutya means news or pearl apparently. She's getting a lot of boos - which is unfair in my opinion. Give her a chance.

Latoya and Mutya meet up ... very cool meeting. WTF are you comes to mind.

Next in ...

VERNE TROYER

Little guy lined up ... he speaks like he has been sucking helium.

Will people love him coz of the aww factor? Please don't. Let him earn his place. Which is I'm sure what he would want. He's not cute! He is an adult man! OOOO good, he has an evil plan - he's gonna play the nice guy but deep down he's gonna be evil (according to him). I like him already. He's 2 feet 8 inches tall. WOW! He collects skulls for a hobby. Ah ha, I as right. He can't do stairs - he has another way to go in. His fave song apparently is 'You Shook Me All Night Long' AC/DC. Gosh, he IS tiny! Will it be the best things come in small packages? We'll see.

DAVINA! Do NOT say Verne is so cute. How bad is that!!!!

Next in ... hm no.4

TOMMY SHERIDAN

A Scottish politician who rose to infamy via anti poll tax. And I am with him on that.

He was elected from a prison cell to Glasgow city council. A newspaper said he had commited adultery - he represented himself to sue them - and won. The case is now under appeal.

MASSIVE BOOS for Tommy Sheridan. What is that about?

He uses sunbeds twice a week. Sad. He's great friend with ex-CBB hm George Galloway. Sad.

Goes down the stairs to the viewers left.

Into the house and ... none of them know each other. (Massive world wide celebs or what).

ASIDE: They speak about the house and the beds and bedrooms - like none of them have watched the last big brother. Right.

NEXT IN

LUCY PINDER

She says she is famous for her boobs. She was discovered on Bournmouth beach. O. Kay. She reckons there is negativity attached to being a page 3 model. That's all fine but then she says: I'm a Tory bird. Forget getting the twins out - her love of Tory sunk her for me. MASSIVE BOOS which I agree with since she has said she is a Tory. Her boobs are 32G if anyone is interested. Scared of clowns. And she's a Tory - is the Tory party not made up of clowns.

Once again, this hm goes in and not one person knows the other.

NEXT IN - and why the f are they playing 'Teenage Kicks' as his intro?!!!

BEN ADAMS

He just looks like an old boy band member. Oh, wait - that's what he is! He says he is now a song writer. OK. What songs? 50/50 cheers and boos.

He's single. He fancies Dawn French. His fave chat up line is 'do you like chocolate?'. Is he hoping for the plus side ladies to vote for him. Looks like it.

Goes down the stairs to the viewers left.

Into the house - no-one knows him. Surprise, surprise. BTW - how weird is it for Latoya that no-one knows her?

NEXT IN

Tina Malone.

I have never seen her before. But she says she is the most dangerous matriacht on tv. OK. She says she is a middle aged, fat, hormonal, bi-polar woman. Perfect for BB me thinks.

Actually, she might prove to be interesting.

Not so many boos, good lot of cheers.

She loves good chocolate and good sex. There you go lads.

She goes down the stairs to the viewers right.

Hi - she is puffed out. Coughing. Hi, all introducing themselves. Hardly one has a baldy notion who the other is. And if they do they are not letting on.

NEXT UP

Coolio - Jeepers he's kinda old looking.

He might be fun.

Yuk! He's wearing a furry coat and tartan trousers. Says he knows nothing about BB. RIGHT. He reckons he is in the list of top ten rappers. NO. His favourite food is chicken, cheese and shrimp. All together?!

Goes down the stirs to the viewers left.

Into the house he kicks up. I like that. He looks the bit with his furry coat and sunglasses (at night oh my). But the others look impressed. But I suppose that's what happens when you all are no marks.

NEXT

Michelle Heaton

Tape back to her first/only hit.

Droning on about her marriage.

(I actually think she might not be so bad).

Let's see if she gets cheers or boos ... she has just sunk imo, she popped round to Katie and Peter Andre to check how to deal with a reality show. She got a few boos but nothing much.

Down the stiars to the viewers right.

Hya to all the folk. (Ithink she knows Mutya).

NEXT

Terry Christian.

I used to like this geezer. But where's he been for the past couple of decades. Maybe he will be a good hm. How awful is it to see someone after 20 years? Where did the bags under his eyes appear!!! He's getting loads of boos. Lots of them. Which is unfair - give the bloke a chance. One thing though, he expects to win. Well, wait in Terry.

Goes down the stairs to the viwers left.

Into the house - Terry, the politician, knows him as does Michelle. AT LAST - someone who is known! Could you belive it would be Terry!

AND THE FINAL HM

Ulrika Jonsonn:

She went out with Prince Andrew doncha know?

I agree with what she is saying - people make up their mind before they know you. I think Ulrika might be the most intelligent in there.

MASSIVE BOOS!!!!

Davina: She looks fantastic. I hate the way she has to enter through all those boos. She goes down the stairs to the viewers left.

In the house - some know her some don't.

NOW THE HOUSE IS FULL ... FOR NOW.

Bet there are some late arrivals during the 3 weeks. Betcha!